We Both Have Layers

“NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.” Ahh, the loveable Shrek…and so insightful!

YES. Some of my wisdom does revolve around watching kid’s movies… but now that the ogre’s out of the bag, the layered onion concept and similarity that people have layers as well, is a very good biscotti to munch on with today’s cozy cup of moccachino.

Let’s face it. People are very complex, and not only are we focused on relationships with other people, we have a very big task of engaging in a relationship with ourselves, and understanding what makes each one of us tick in relation to others. Oohh that sounds lofty. But really it’s quite simple.

We have our outer layer the general public sees. This is the one where I am always asked while in the convenient store where something is located, and since I am not only approachable but kind enough to assist people, the one reaching for that birthday balloon for their nephew.

The second layer that the Facebook friends see. That’s the one where we want to post something intriguing yet vague, interesting but honest, and hoping to get a friend request accepted or initiate a one on one email with our long lost college roomies. (And let’s not forget all the fan links, throw beads, flair, bling and collectible hearts you get to accept or decline!)

The third layer is the outer space layer. The one where our acquaintances catch us at the market or God forbid, the pharmacy on a bad hair or makeup day and just HAVE to tell you look awful, (as if they are bringing you into a major revelation) and then ask if you’d like to sit and try the blood pressure machine after they’re through.

The forth layer is the inner space layer. That’s the one where our family, best girlfriend or spouse/significant other are tapping into your fine tuning system giving not only needful feedback, but the stuff that no one else can say to us…and truly receive it. And no, I don’t mean the comments like your perfume is over the top…but rather the reality checklist items. Capiche?

The fifth layer is the membrane layer. You know where our daily understanding of who we are resides and is the conscience of our emotions, sensorial and tactile areas of self…and where the anger goes when you break a nail.

The sixth layer isn’t really a layer at all … It's the bunched up core with clusters around it. Sort of a ‘sixth sense’... why it could even be a movie!   Just kidding. Yep that’s our heart, and all of its’ sensitivity surrounded by cushions to protect it. That’s where the 4 p’s live and breathe. No…not the 4 peas you shoved under the side of your dinner plate as a kid..The four essentials that teach us who we are:

A Perspective to live from.
A Priority to live by.
A Power to live on.
A Purpose to live for.

So this cup of moccachino is now almost done, and biscotti crumbs lay on the table. Tell me, if you were to ask yourself, (when you are in your onion core) what is the answer to the question “To me, living means..."?

And don’t say being an ogre. You are an onion with layers.

Five Love Languages

Fine. You got me.
No-I get it, I get it…and I have no problem answering that.
How can I blog about relationships if I’m still a work in progress?
Well, aren’t we all?

Last time I checked we learn from our mistakes, and I’m learning alot, I guess - LOL

I have to admit, this cup of coffee is going to be more like a
double shot of espresso, but I just have to share the wealth.
I want to convey a concept that has been recently really revelational.
(say that 10 times fast - NOT)

What’s up with all the magazines out there with headlines like “101 Ways To Talk To Your Mate” when there are really only five?
That’s right. I said just five.

I’ll just cut to the chase, name them and claim them:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

There are so many times when couples mean well and try to show their love for one another the best way they know how, but alas, the efforts are not
met with the reception hoped. That’s because they are not speaking the same  love language. There is usually a primary and often a secondary,
and even different dialects in some cases.

I’m no expert, and can’t take credit for the above terms. To indulge
your ever growing knowledge and apply it to any relationship, please go to your local library, half.com or amazon.com for the title :
“The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman”

The book has literally transformed marriages and has a section on how
The five love languages apply to children.

Please feel free to share how the concepts have brought you success, because I truly want to see more love out there. With the economic times as they are, there is no better prosperity than to enrich the very foundation we are built on…relationships.

Ahhh. Was that a double shot of espresso or more like a café macchiato?

Write your comments and tell me how that cup finished for you!

Pint Size Diva

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch that….She said WHAT to you? In the middle of lunch recess?

And so, while my mama bear claws have just engraved some child’s initials into the nearest tree - my mama bear mouth says “Too bad so sad chick. Life gets tougher each day, and it starts with girlie friendships. They’ll make or break your heart-- but mama loves you more each day and here’s how...”

Oh, the love of parenthood. I find myself being very upfront and saying quite a lot about relationships theses days to my 9 year old daughter. These last two years of her elementary school have brought so much insight into her world…knowing that mine was either so completely different or so totally similar that it just plain hurt either way.

Having the ugly puppy childhood surprises many of my friends today, but oh, the illustrations I’m able to incorporate while educating my daughter on life’s lessons. Time and time again I remind her that some other mommies will not tell you what time it really is. I don’t ever want to be the mom who says “That’s a shame dear--maybe she’ll be nicer tomorrow”. Nope.

I don’t sugarcoat anything. I tell my daughter exactly what thoughts were behind what statements, what could be going on in a little girl’s mind and heart, and when I believe there are deeper issues at work...good or bad. I want to prepare my child with the understanding of young relationships to truly equip her with the tools to stand up for herself, make right choices, to always be considerate of someone’s feelings, and when to step out of the game when planet drama takes over. And believe me, boy’s are seldom the problem! ( but it won’t stay that way LOL)

Oh and let’s not forget the body language! Don’t you find it absolutely stunning when a precious thing half your size says “Talk to the hand!” with a certain level of arrogance and her hand held up in a stop position like a crosswalk guard? Or how about “Call me!” with her hand held up like that of a phone receiver to the ear? Hey, don’t blame it all on Hannah Montana. If it isn’t nipped in the bud that diva wannabe will grow up to be the queen bee that’ll remain empty and alone because her self esteem is so low, and men just run away like fashion police when they see her coming. Love her enough to “just say no” to diva behavior (that includes you mirror!) Keep saying to yourself  “tough love is always win win”.

Hang in there, grab another cup of eight o’clock coffee, and let’s add some pastries next time. How about ‘bear claws’…just for fun?

2009 Is About Relationships

I know, we just met.

But believe me ...we'll see eye to eye on quite alot!

Ever feel like you're on top of the world one minute and then, without recognizing the transition, you are craving coffee and watching life pass you by while everyone else expresses their creativity and yours remains inside a shoebox in the corner of your closet?

Don't dispair! Pick up the phone! Did you forget that your best friend wants to be there for you? You're not a burden...you just feel life's burdens.

Recently, someone I went to elementary school tried to contact me through Classmates.com. Of course, I'm too cheap to actually pay for a year subscription much less the $15 for three month offer...so, I missed the holiday window of hooking up with her while visiting the hometown for New Year's. But something happened. Upon my return to where I currently call home, I was able to find a seven day trial on Classmates for FREE. Oh yeah. I'm there.

And why did I do it?

Was I dying to see the lost loves who dumped me back in high school or cackle at the then and now pictures just as a pick me up? (NOT) Because, you know it, I'm still hotter than they are! LOL. Okay, truth is, I ONLY subscribed to get the body of the email whose subject line was "Are You My Betsy Ross?"

OMG! I seriously had to call my mom on that one. Jog the memory tissue and voila! I actually played Betsy Ross in a 4th grade play and the girl that was in it with me was the one who sent the Classmates inquiry. Grab the email addy and RUN! So, I promptly cancelled Classmates and began a one week e-marathon of "No way!" "What happened to you?" "Where have you been?"

Drum roll please. The REAL reason I went outside the box to search out this girl, was twofold:

1. I realized that I felt no connection to my childhood, no solid memories of sleepovers, ice cream socials, mall rat times, nada, zilch, zip. This girl was my best friend from 3rd to 4th grade and then we moved and lost touch. I felt empty.

2.  I believe that as the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve, whatever you are doing at that instant is what the next year will encompass, sort of an imprint if you will. My moment was watching my parents, daughter, brother and my neice spend time playing a board game and being together as a family.

That was it. That's what I breathed in. My imprint for 2009 was saying to myself that 2009 was going to be about relationships.

By the mid January I had spoken to that long lost girl for an hour and a half straight as if we had been together for all those years in between. By the end of January --I joined Facebook and managed 35 friends in a matter of two weeks. Not only do I no longer feel isolated, the people that filled my breakfast club days still missed me as all of our lives passed and grew apart.

We are connected there, even the girl from 3rd grade, my friends from NY to LA, even my neighbor. One vast collective...of relationships.

I can honestly say that I look forward to encouraging my readers in so many different venues of topics on pnn and have the diva party move here!

Check back soon, and join me for another cup of coffee :)

~Colleen